Lazy Sundays: Angry Rant

Current mood: FML

When I saw this picture of Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura, I knew I had to use it to describe how I feel at the moment. A surge of nostalgia totally washed over me though when I saw this pic. Cardcaptor Sakura was the first anime I watched entirely in its original Japanese format. This is the anime that got me obsessed with Japanese music. I think I was 11-years-old when I watched it and my mom always wondered why the hell her Filipino-American daughter was singing to all these Japanese songs. Well Mom, I love Cardcaptor Sakura. Done.

We are now entering into the fourth week of class session and I could barely keep up with my own schedule.  This being busy thing has been getting to me and this past week was really fcking terrible to say the least. I was 2 hours late for work on Wednesday which resulted in not only a bad start to my day, but an emotional Allison instead of the happy-go-lucky Allison coming into work. I feel like I'm lagging in my classes because I haven't been keeping up with any sort of reading, and my work ethic for both the sorority and the Daily 49er is so mediocre, I'm disappointed in myself. I've always been quite the perfectionist so when I feel I'm losing control of all my responsibilities, my brain turns to mush and I don't produce good work. In the midst of all this, I've been trying to make time for myself just so I can get back on my feet and snap out of this slump I'm in. So when I do have "me" time, I have these plans to work out, study, go shopping, etc.

I end up sleeping. 

But whatever! I feel refreshed and a lot better when I wake up so it's all good. I just get irritated because when I take my hardcore naps, my day is almost gone. Ever since I started opening at work, I've realized how many hours in the day I've been missing out on. Even after I graduate and I go back to closes or whatever, I'm still going to try to wake up early just so I can add more hours to my day. I feel accomplished when I've done a lot and I look at the time and it's barely 10 A.M. 

So I guess I'll rant about what's really bothering me. 

I know I tweet every now and then about my pet peeves, but now I can really go into detail about it. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people act bitchy for no good reason. I come across it everywhere - work, class, sorority, friends, etc. AND I'M SO SICK OF IT! I know I can be a bitch too sometimes, but I make it a point to apologize to the people I bitch at because I know I've crossed a line. But the people who feel like it's okay to talk to people like that... what's wrong with you? Seriously. It makes me wonder how the hell this generation is being raised. I mean, most of our parents are from the baby boomer years so I would think there's some good wholesome values in your parents but fckkk. Those values do NOT get translated well when you have a demeaning tone in your voice when you're talking to me. Let's get something straight. I'm terrible at confrontation. I always was, and probably might always will be. But I've been trying to get better. I know I'm in a position where confrontation is going to happen and I'm going to have to bite the bullet and become everyone's enemy at one point, but if it's for the better of the group, then I'll do it. I have an obligation to the group I'm in and I promised I would carry out my responsibilities to the best of my abilities.

I've talked to people about this before and I really hate when we play the whole "my life is sadder than your life" kind of game. First of all, what kind of sick, twisted person can you be if you're trying to one-up me in terms of life's devastation? You really think this is the only thing you can beat me at? It doesn't matter! Why should it be a contest and why are you trying to make it one? Just because I always have a smile on my face and a positive attitude, doesn't mean I'm not fighting my own inner demons. I think placing judgement on people is an even worse action so you might want to re-evaluate what the hell you find important in your life because for one, if it's trying to beat me, and two, if you're gonna judge my every move, then you need to aspire for more in life.

Because I'm going to be the bigger person, I'll make changes. Because I'm a leader who cares about the unity of our group. Changes WILL happen and I hope you notice them and it makes you feel more comfortable and inclined to TREAT PEOPLE BETTER. 

I think you're a misunderstood person. Because I know you, and I know you only act that way as a defense mechanism. But why are you putting up a guard at me? Fine, be angry that you didn't know some information that the rest of us did. But let the anger run its course then GET OVER IT. Don't take your frustrations out on me and be a smart ass about it. Last time I checked, I'm younger than you, yet you're acting like a little kid who doesn't get their way. 

There I said it. Whew. There you go, Internet World. You have some insight to how chaotic my mind is at the moment.

I know not every person I meet in life or work with in life is going to support me whole heartedly. I know there are people who are anticipating my failures and hoping the worst happens to me. It's life - not everyone is a buddy. But I would just like to give a big ass, I DON'T GIVE A FCK! I'm going to accept the haters and let them watch me conquer and destroy. You can watch me dominate that ladder of success because that's exactly where I'm headed. I don't have time to be at a stand still with people who are going to bring me down. Honey, you can't handle this.

Small girl, big dreams. Big dreams, little confidence.

I know I can do it though. I've made it this far - I know I can do it.

I feel a lot better admitting to not only myself but to the rest of the internet what I'm currently feeling. I know this semester is going to kick my ass, but if it didn't, then I wouldn't really be learning anything, right? 

More angry rants to come in the near future. I may be small, but I got a lot of voice in me.